Lethargic Aviatrix

Alphabet of Plans 2.0

2011-03-04T08:24:00.002+08:00

I made a list like this almost two years ago. A lot of things happened between the day I decided to write my goals and this day. I kept on changing my mind over one thing or the other. But then again, I believe making a list is helpful. It keeps track of my goals and what I have achieved so far—and also, the current status of my sanity.

Target duration: within 1-7 years

Plan A:

-Save some money, help my family

-Enroll in a Physics degree (or Applied Physics)

-Write in a respectable news organization about science

-Save some more money, buy a car, fund my parents’ retirement, help other family members if I can, travel

Plan B:

-Save some money, help my family

-Get a scholarship for a Science Journalism MA degree, apply and enroll

- Write in a respectable news organization about science (Dude, I’m actually thinking about New Scientist, Time, The Economist here.)

-Save some more money, buy a car, fund my parents’ retirement, help other family members if I can, travel

Plan C:

-Save some money, help my family

-Take a decent photography/photojournalism course

-Take subjects in science: Physics, Math, Biology

-Take MA in Media Studies (which should include a scholarship grant)

-Teach and write at the same time

-Create a small news organization specializing on science and technology

-Save some more money, buy a car, fund my parents’ retirement, help other family members if I can, travel

Plan D:

-Save some money, help my family

-Take courses in Filipino, History, Physics

-Take MA in Media Studies or Journalism

-Build a Filipino news organization--Filipino broadsheet with other Journ friends (Hello to Paulo Tomacder. This is our dream.)

-Save some more money, buy a car, fund my parents’ retirement, help other family members if I can, travel

And hopefully, within this year, or the next, I could:

-Buy (or be given) an MP3 player where I can also watch movies and play games (it should also have WiFi connectivity)

-Subscribe to The Economist, New Scientist, Reader's Digest, NatGeo, The New Yorker

-Buy extra battery pack, lens hood, wide-angle lens, zoom lenses for my Beau (camera)

I'm bouncing back, well at least, I'm trying.

The end is near

2010-12-21T23:50:00.005+08:00

Alternate title: My last post for 2010

This is not my best year. But it isn't a year in waste, either. I'd like to thank all the people, events and supernatural powers that brought me here. Thank y'all!

But for now, here's my take on 2010:

Books could be anyone's best bud, travel bud especially. I fell in love the err… (insert number here) time around with reading. Thanks to the encouragement and influence by my workmates.
This year, I tried to be as philosophical as I can with everything, especially life. It’s pretty much like photography, as they say, even with one subject, you can come up with different photos, because you can have different perspectives. It’s one of the gifts of age and an indication of maturity. The deeper your field, the clearer your focus will be.
On the other hand, some of the most important things in life are actually learned early on. The simple joys of childhood are the most sincere of all the kinds of happiness. It’s not so bad to be Peter Pan once in a while.
Cleaning my room, table and work area is therapeutic. It gives me a semblance of order. Problems may not yet be solved; tasks may not yet be fully accomplished. But to declutter my space is to free myself of the worries and pressures.
Self-sufficiency might be lonely, but that’s what family and friends here for. I’ve had falling out with some of the closer friends I have. But maybe, Time is just telling me that their contract has finished. I have to sign other people into my life. I actually did. In fact, some came back after being gone for a long gone.
Idealism can only go so far. Reality is not a vacuum. Frustration comes when one can’t seem to compromise one with the other.
There are no small or minor roles in a play. There are only small actors. Desiderata taught me to be humble and content with my present career. The Divine Providence might have better plans.
Insecurity may bring the best in some people. I have always remembered what my CW10 teacher said in class after our writing exercise: have someone to look up to. To feel that you’re not the best is to raise your own standards, so you want to get past that standard and excel.
Going with the current is only as safe as going against it; either you'll be brought somewhere (familiar or not) or you get stuck in the middle of the ocean. Be careful, there are sharks below. *wink wink*
There are people and things we love to hate. And the world is incomplete without them.
In some situations, “I don’t know” is a taboo. Research. Educate yourself. Try. Whether you succeed in answering the (or a) question or not, you’ll learn about something.
Chronology is sooo much easier to determine than to prove the causal relationship of events. Stop blaming others. Move on.
Also, putting the blame to someone is different from holding someone accountable for something. One is by force, the other is just a reminder of one's responsibility.
Social relevance is not compulsory. So is fashion (as in current popular style). Even when people tell they care, half of them don't while the other half forget what they see/say after a few minutes.
There’s nothing so highfalutin about Physics. Believe me—as everything you see, hear, feel and smell has something to do with it. And it’s never too late to learn. Quantum mechanics, anyone?
Money can only take you so far. The power of faith is immeasurable. I have believed in miracles since 2006.
The true tests of patience? MRT, Internet connection and ~~sexlife~~ love life.

Ciao 2010!

I came from a family of superstars: Superduper Totoy Beebo (The Ultraelectromagnetic Final Installment, Part 4 of 4)

2010-11-28T23:54:00.002+08:00

I think I will have to wait for almost 30 days more to see Totoy Beebo, the greatest brother in the world.

Everyone agrees whenever I say I am the luckiest bunso for having him as a brother. By kindergarten, I learned to listen to (and eventually love) the music of Eraserheads and Rivermaya. By elementary, I learned that he, afterall, loves me--after taking care of me one day when I threw up so hard while he actually punished me to stay inside my room and not to eat. (I think he panicked that time.)

By highschool, I realized that while my brother is an athlete, I should conc ede to being just a dork. He tried teaching me volleyball and chess. No good. I have poor hand and mind coordination. And I don't have the patience to sit in front of a chess board for more than 3 minutes.

We talk geek. We talk street. We talk about history. We talk about science. We talk about life. We talk about love. (And that infamous song, "Kaibigan lang pala..."). I remember watching Lion King inside our parents' bedroom. I remember recording episodes of Ghost Fighter for him (while everybody else in our house watched Esperanza). I remember him cooking meals for the two of us when everybody's out.

I remember everyday I was punished to stay inside my room, everyday I was punched in the shoulders, everyday I was told to wear this and that and act like this or that, to do this and that. I remember hating him. I remember missing him. I remember staying up so late talking with him just because he got busted.

I also remember him screaming "Mama, si Shaira o!" because I squirt water using empty syringe threatening to use it to him. (Yes, he's afraid of needles and injections. LOL.)

But most of all, I remember him calling my mom during the first few days of his stay abroad. He told her, "Ma, huwag mo pagagalitan masyado si Shaira. Pag tinopak yan hindi yan magsasalita. Baka lumayas. Ayaw niya pinagagalitan."

And he actually called me that week, just to say he saw Anthony Taberna in church.

And maybe, even when he gets married, I'd still love to wash his undies and polish his shoes. Anyway, I know he's going to give me a MacBook Air and an iPod. *wink wink*

Note: NOTE: This series is a four-part blog entry that tells something about each member of the Panela family and why they're a bunch of superstars. :-)
Part 1: Potpot the little beauty queen

Part 2: My Mama is a Super Momma
Part 3: Pop and his multiple lives (Part 3 of 4)

I came from a family of superstars: Pop and his multiple lives (Part 3 of 4)

2010-10-15T02:47:00.002+08:00

At this very moment, my pop is in the hospital, with all those tubes and machines. Probably he's been sedated again to be able to sleep.

By the grace of the Divine Providence, he'll be okay in a few days and everything will go back to normal.

Pop and the rest of the family (tiger not icluded)

Of course he will. Like those first 8 (or were there already 9?) times we sent him to the hospital.

My father is known to almost all of my friends, especially those who are really close to me. He jokes (however corny), he smiles a lot, he plays with them (especially with kids) and talks to them. And hey, he adds my friends on Facebook!

I used to joke about him getting old and finally getting his senior citizen's ID (which will be next year). I almost always say, "Fathers, may discount na tayo sa Jollibee!" And he always answer, "Seasoned citizen! Hindi senior!"

And with him, life is a little more bearable--together with Mr. Bean, Bossing Vic, Eat Bulaga, Dolphy and Eddie Peregrina's Portrait of my Love (tama ba, sa kaniyang kanta yan?).

He's a father like no one else. He's old, (yes, kinda. Haha!) but he's a child at heart--jovial and serious all at the same time. I just wished, more than his looks (though I must admit, I'm the better-looking version. ;p) , I also got his diligence and OC-ness--that CDCP (Check. Double check. Cross check. Post check.).

But the best thing about him being my father is that he never ever ever ever made me feel like we have a problem. Everyday is a good day to look forward to. There's hope and everything will turn out to be just fine. We just have to have faith.

Part 2: My Mama is a Super Momma

I came from a family of superstars: My Mama is a Super Momma (Part 2 of 4)

2010-09-06T23:29:00.001+08:00

Name: Lucila Panela
Nickname: Lucy/Baby/Mama Bebe (to her pamangkins)
Hobbies/Interests: Insurance, Black clothes, Tagalog movies, food, Facebook, YM, Gumala
Favorite food: Cadbury chocolates and gulay from her gulay garden
Quotable quote: "Kung pagagalitan ka lang din, lubus-lubusin mo na!" (On convincing my friend to stay with us since she sneaked away from her house)

Whenever I tell people stories about my mom, usually about her internet-ing adventures, either people laugh or they'd say, "Nakakainggit naman mama mo." And those reactions are actually a pat on my back.

All my life, people have pictured my mom to be an uberly mataray and masungit person who usually nags at anyone. People usually remember her voice who seem to be always fighting with somebody (people, I'm telling you, it's normal). But maybe, they're scared and intimidated with my mother's strong persona that they were not able to know her better. She's a rockstar, you know.

I'm a bit picky eater because of her. Especially when it comes to menudo, spaghetti (Filipino style) and leche flan. Those are my favorite mom's recipes and by first glance, I can tell if that food won't taste like my mom's. And sometimes, I won't eat them. Even if I like them so much.

Math is a gift. It's either you have it or you don't (unless you have money to pay for Kumon). And by golly, I'm so intimidated seeing my mom's TOR! She aced all her math subjects! And she always said, "Algebra?! Ang dali-dali lang nun!" In my mind, "Ikaw na. Ikaw na magaling."

But that doesn't mean I didn't have her genes. I bet I'll grow up to be more like her--a nagger (hopefully not, peace mom! Loveyou!), a very very very tamad student, yes, my mom said she used to cram a lot (when I heard this story, I laughed hard!), mischievous (she also used to sneak in to go places), and that! She's gala (just like me).

No wonder I can get to her nerves at times, oh, a looooot of times.

But you know what's most special about her? She's like a superhero. She knows exactly what to do every time. Our family have been on a roller coaster for too long. We've already reached rock bottom but part of the reason why we can still manage to stand up is her determination to go on. Her resiliency is something all of us in the family admire. (And I'm not saying my father and my brother are not resilient. They are.) But she's like a superhero, saving the Panela family just in the nick of time. ;-)

And maybe all mothers are like her, as she almost always forget to think about her self. It's always pop's, my brother's and my welfare first before her. Sometimes, even our extended family's and her friends' welfare first before her. She's got a really big heart, everyone fits in but herself.

I just hope, someday, she'll find pristine happiness and peace of mind. :-)

P.S. Tomorrow's her birthday, please greet her:
Mobile number: 09175421760
YM: baby_panela
Facebook: Lucila Panela

Note: NOTE: This series is a four-part blog entry that tells something about each member of the Panela family and why they're a bunch of superstars. :-)
Part 1: Potpot the little beauty queen

I came from a family of superstars: Potpot the little beauty queen (part 1 of 4)

2010-09-02T22:58:00.001+08:00

Potpot at 3.5 years old after the church thanksgiving

I remember about two years ago, in one of our exercises in Psychology class, we were asked to draw a family. When I showed it to my teacher, he said, "You're still the baby girl, aren't you?" And I just smiled.

***

People thought I would be a beauty queen. I was really a bibo kid back in my toddler years. I WAS (gerd, I'm so tempted to put this into present tense!) pretty, witty and charming. People back then loooooooove Potpot, the cute kid who runs back and forth and chants "Pot-pot!" every afternoon, upon hearing the bread peddler's horn.

My mom would always tell me I was like Aiza Seguerra. And that I actually joined a pseudo-beauty pageant as a kid. It was a local pageant like that of Little Miss Philippines. But I didn't win. I was a runner up to an older, more matured girl. (But I can't remember any details, you know.)

I remember, my lolo and lola would always ask me to imitate Ruffa Gutierrez every evening, while we're watching TV. I used to tell I'd like to be like her (USED TO, okay!) but I wanted to be THE MISS UNIVERSE (move over, Venus Raj!).

Would you believe that I usually throw tantrums back then because my lola forgot to buy me lace stockings or my shoes have no heels! I was a diva. I even used permanent markers as eyebrow pencil and lip liner one evening. My mom's ninang (the late Lola Tessie) laughed upon seeing me with funny crude lines all over my face.

But then again, somewhere in between something went terribly wrong, when I am finally a grown-up woman, I started to hve crush on beauty pageant contestants! (Kidding!!! Please don't take that seriously, people.) I mean, I dread wearing evening gowns, the idea of putting make-up on my face is now synonymous to nightmare and I could only stand walking with poise and femininity for 10 seconds (after that, I could be mistaken for a kanto siga). I would be an awful, gross even, contestant to any beauty pageant now! (And I haven't even mentioned my love handles and potato farm on my sides.)

But the Potpot in me never really left, I'm still bibo (I think), and pretty (mamatay na ang kokontra!), and witty (well, sometimes).

And yeah, I'm still the baby girl. And I will always be. :-)

NOTE: This series is a four-part blog entry that tells something about each member of the Panela family and why they're a bunch of superstars. :-)

Losing grip vs. Letting go

2010-09-02T14:29:00.001+08:00

DISCLAIMER: For those expecting this blog entry to talk about love, well, guys, sorry. This post isn't about that. (Or at least, not about that ANYMORE.)

I have a disease. It's a little unusual and it's an indication of something worse--immaturity (but it's arguable).

I have this tendency to get attached to something or someone so easily that by the time I should let go, I actually restrain myself from doing so. I always tell people that I HAVE moved on but in fact, the thought haunts me every night and I am having this weird feeling of pain and discomfort--like there's a pea in my bed and someone's stabbing my chest.

Sometimes even, I hold on to something (or someone, for that matter) for too long that instead of gradually letting go, I find myself losing grip and let myself fall into a limbo of bad memories and bad feelings. Nobody catches me because nobody knows exactly where am I. And then, I won't be able to come back, and if I ever see the thing (or person) in the future, it would not be the same again. The fall already drained all the remaining emotion and attachment out of me. Worse, I could nothing to undo what has been said and done.

It all boils down to mastering the art of timing.

I bet, I am actually getting the hang of it already.

For example, I have long ignored the idea of calling someone really close to me as bestfriend. For one, I have quite a share of experience in losing one after the other. Like the term "Shai's bestfriend" is jinxed. Probably being labeled as somebody's bestfriends entitles one to demand a looong list of responsibilities from the other, sometimes, even without thinking of sharing those responsibilities. It's worse than getting into a relationship. It will not be as easy as getting hooked up because of love at first sight and split up because of infidelity. It's like marriage without those binding documents (or maybe there ARE binding documents). Bestfriend relationship does not necessarily require sweetness, passion and romance (of course!). It could stand a life with 90% trust and 5% love and 5% hating-each-other-so-much-because-you're-so-different-from-one-another.

Or maybe, I'm wrong.

Letting go, as I can see it, is the phase when you let someone choose his way OUT of something. The operative word here is OUT. In letting go, nobody pushes someone out. It's when allowing that someone to move freely away, so to avoid strangling and struggling. It's letting go of one person's hand and watching that person go--yes, pretty much like that of the movies.

Losing grip, on the other hand, is something "done" with force. I put quotation marks in done because, after all, nobody wants to lose grip to something, especially when you know that when you lost your grip to the only rope that's keeping you from falling from the edge of the cliff. But one does not need to lose grip when one knows exactly when to let go. There's no need of suffering from unnecessary blisters and falling into limbo if one knows IT'S TIME TO LET GO. In the first place, why hold on to something or someone too tight or for too long? Remember, too much of a good thing (or of anything) is bad.

This are the lessons I had to learn the hard way. I had to suffer falling into limbo, not only once--not only twice--but several times. And trust me, the feeling is awful.

It's always better to let go, when the time is right. It's a liberating feeling, because you do not only let go of the person or thing, but you also let go of all the heartaches that holding the person or the thing back could cost you.

Pausing for a minute on life

2010-08-11T22:18:00.003+08:00

First off, I tagged YOU because one, we had recently talked about this, I just have some further thoughts about it, and I’d like to know what you think about it and two, I think you won’t mind reading through my random thoughts (please? :-)).

Growing up has suddenly not become my thing since I reached 18. I found myself being obsessed with my childhood pleasures; toys, cartoons and children’s books. Maybe because I have read and reread and reread The Little Prince over and over again. (I haven’t gone back to my Peter Pan reading yet because of that). Maybe because I have over saturated my self from watching The Sound of Music almost 10 times. (I think I said 8). But nevertheless, I have not lost track of my age, nor what I should be doing and thinking about right now—career, life, future.

I have dreamt of impossible things, of dreams so much larger than life. Some of them, I find hard to abandon even if there’s no point holding on to them. But like what I have learned recently, dreaming big is the only way to dream. I used to dream of becoming an architect, then a pilot, then an investigative journalist (not giving up on my pilot dream still, though). And everybody wonders why I'm here right now (where am I again?).

I have given up on being an architect at 6th grade, thinking that the sky is better than skyscrapers. Anyway, I’m just average on drafting and drawing. Lack of practice dulls the skill. By 6th grade, I wanted to be a pilot, after reading something about a girl finding hard to fit in the society because she was so mediocre. And yes, pompous maybe to say this, but I am not so much a fan of mediocrity. But I have already learned to appreciate it. Right now, I am still thinking of ways to fly a plane. Someday, somehow, I would not just be a passenger of an aircraft. Even if my sleep disorder doesn’t help. Even if my vision is impaired. I’ll get there. At least, I will try. Learning to love journalism and falling in love with investigative journalism (IJ) made me feel that somehow I found my place on earth. And so I tried my best—and I still am trying my best—to get to the Parthenon of IJ. Even if it means sacrificing some ‘greater’ opportunities. And not to sound too patriotic about it, let’s just say I have not yet lost the idealism J school taught me.

Then I became obsessed with thoughts of becoming a scientist—a physicist or an astrophysicist--- all because I find it so saddening that some of those who study the sciences hate it. C’mon, if I can all of these things (flying planes, writing investigative reports and drowning myself in the laboratories because of forces and motion) at the same time, I would. But I am bound to make choices, given only one life, some amount of years, cash and mental and physical capacity to fulfill something short of my idea of greatness.

Law then became a tempting alternative from all of those gargantuan dreams. But after my first try, I thought, either I’m not prepared for it yet or it’s just not really how I roll. The stiffness of corporate attire and legalese scares me as if all my creativity and imagination will be sucked by monsters called SCRA, The Penal Code, The Philippine Constitution of 1987 and all of them demons. Seeing the terms “promulgation”, “whereof”, “People of the Philippines Vs. So-and-so” makes me swallow more saliva more than I should. Maybe someday, I’ll get back on the poetry of legislation. I do not need to hurry, at least not now.

While the child in me pops in once in a while, during my solitary trips to wherever, or my journey inside books, photos and movie clips, or, when I’m with friends, I have tried my best to plan the future, like any grown-up should and to grasp and approach that concept the way adults do; thinking of the coulds, buts, maybes, shoulds, ifs and trying to determine how to manage if everything else fails. And I wish that everything will go as planned and if it’s not the case, I can only pray for something better.

Some people laugh at my tremendous change-of-heart incidents. Yes, sometimes they can get really immature, too daredevil, and eye-popping unimaginable. But I’d like to consider myself as a work in progress. I do not wish to justify any mistake I had in the past. I’m just saying, I was trying to put on my thinking cap that time. And I had a hard time making it fit my head.

If growing up means forgetting to dream big, then I don’t want to grow up anymore. At 21, I still enjoy making wishes on shooting stars.

If it’s insane to be random and inconsistent, I don’t mind. It's better to be changing your thoughts than having no thought about anything at all, right? Maybe I am still trying to know myself better. But I think I have mastered to gather enough determination to achieve something I want. And to a certain degree, I have already re-learned how to pray.

At 21, I still get surprised by my own decisions and ideas. Is that such a bad thing? (Sorry, this has become too self-indulgent)

Just another bad day

2010-07-26T10:25:00.001+08:00

Last Friday was just another bad day.

I woke up at around 4 am, waiting for my mom’s call to get up and get ready for the prayer meeting. But when she called, I knew exactly we would not be able to attend the prayer meeting.

I got a towel to cover my self and ran toward the nearest neighbor who owns a car. In my mind, I was praying that nothing will happen between my run until we finally reach the hospital. I was yelling at the doorstep of my neighbor, asking for help, pleading that they move a little bit faster so we can bring my pop to the nearest hospital.

Mom carried pop to the vehicle and off they went to the hospital. I changed my clothes, got my phones, a scarf, a wallet, our keys, and rode the bicycle to the village’s gate and hailed a jeepney. By the time I got to the hospital, the same procedure was being done—suctioning fluids from my father’s lungs, injecting dextrose and setting up the life ventilating system (respirator) and getting the oxygen tank ready.

I have memorized all of these things for almost four years now. Step 1. When mom calls that pop’s having an attack, I should be carrying my phone to the nearest neighbor which has a vehicle and ask them to bring us to the hospital. Step 2. Either I join mom in bringing pop to the hospital (if there is someone that will be left in our house) or I get left behind, ensuring the security of our belongings before I head to the hospital. Step 3. When the hospital personnel have already brought pop into his room (ICU or another room), I should be heading home, getting all the things we need: toiletries, clothes, blanket, pillow, pop’s meds, some food and water, spoons, forks, plates and soaps. Then go back to the hospital immediately.

I have memorized all of these, including what to do inside the hospital, where to go, what food to buy, how to feed pop—technically all of the things that should be done.

While holding back tears and keeping my own sanity intact, I was half-scared for the worst things that could happen and half-hopeful, that nothing I have not memorized could happen.
Believe me, while 8 times of going back and forth into critical care of the hospitals made me a more responsible daughter in times of crisis, I am not so sure of my self when THAT moment arrives.

I have not been any more prayerful in my life. And I’m only asking for three things; faith, strength and pop’s longer life.

Friday was just another bad day. There shouldn’t be anything worse.

I won't pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars anymore

2010-07-08T23:59:00.002+08:00

because my birthday's about to come, giving me a license to wish (ehem, ehem). :-)

And for more license to brat around, I have created a wishlist for the benefit of those who are still thinking of what to give me. (Guys, you still have a month, for those earning their living, well, that's two pay days for you. Peace!)

(In no particular order)

1. A violin-- I don't mind if it's second hand, as long as it's working and is not out of tune.
2. Volleyball and basketball-- Yes. And I'd love to hear who would volunteer to be my coach. :-)
3. White (or beige/khaki) long-sleeved button down shirt (Note: please, no ruffles. And! my size depends on the brand. but you pretty much have an idea. medium to large will be the safest)

4. Sneakers- size 9-10 (40-41), please, NOT PINK.

5. book/s: (And I don't really care if it's pre-owned. The point is, I want a copy. Haha.)
-McSweeney's Quarterly Concern
-A Series of Unfortunate Events (the entire collection) I only have the Snicket's autobiography. :-(
-Architecture of Happiness
-Einstein: His life and universe
-Ilustrado
(that will do for now. haha!)
6. RC airplane (even those helicopters will do. :-) because the real thing costs somewhere above P20,000 (for the cheapest type)
7. lens filter and polarizer (I'm using a Canon 450D, kit lens: EF-S 18-55mm)
8. UP Jacket (Are they still selling the Siglo Jacket? But I like the Diliman Republic version too.)
9. Sportswatch
10. A bag full of jellybeans
11. A box of blueberry cheesecake
12. Wind chimes (just please, no flowers, and no butterflies)
13. Back and forth plane ticket to Batanes and/or Vietnam
14. Hush Puppies loafers (for sizes, refer to the sneakers)

15. Newsboy hat
16. Backpack (please, again, not pink and not floral)
17. CATS ticket (it's never too late)
18. turtle stuffed toy (this never leaves the list, you know)
19. Astro lamp from Japan (tip, someone's selling these kinds of lamp here on facebook)
20. Little white dress :-)
21. Stargazers and callalilies

There you go. I know some of them are expensive, but at least, you get the idea, you can opt to buy for an alternative or, choose another item from the list. And, some of them could actuaally wait until the holidays on December. Just so you know. :-)

We're making it through

2010-06-08T17:35:00.003+08:00

By now, my brother is probably doing his last minute preparations and research on his new job. Finally. My father is busy supervising some wood working jobs left in our house, and of course, reading messages on Dateinasia.com. My mother is trying her best to make up for what we have lost (financially) and is also opening her mind to other options (career-wise). My future sister-in-law, well, she's busy with her work.

And I must say, my family is lucky, the Divine Providence listens to our prayers. And I'm so happy, the Universe didn't fail me, just like what Cathy said.

I have faith in the Great Power in Heaven and in the capacity of the Universe to make everything fall into their rightful places.

:-)

P.S. I hope this is not just all about luck. Afterall, after we weather every storm, we always come back, ten times stronger, and greater.

Family is Love

2010-06-01T21:47:00.002+08:00

Indeed.

When you've got a father who fights for his life seven times (or perhaps, many times over),

a mother who braves every storm that comes into her life,

a brother who tries his best to provide everything he could for the rest of the family (and more, for others)

a (future) sister-in-law who never fails to save the day...

what more can you wish for?

This is my family.

And this is the meaning of love.

Even at your loneliest moment, you know, somewhere in this world, somebody loves you.

And whatever life brings, you know, with a family like mine, WE can get through.

Graduation Speech

2010-04-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

Thank God for the virtual pulpit, virtual microphone and hopefully, the virtual audience of my valediction.

Regret is so passe I don't want to turn back the hands of time to change what has already been said and done. And the promise of making up in the future is an overrated bitter remark.

At the end of the day, what matters is NOW.

This is you, this is me. This is what happened. This is what we ought to be.

But what I really wanted to say is, thank you for making my four years of University life colorful--as in the entire spectrum of rainbow.

To my first friend, Paul Gerald, whom I have not heard of since he transferred to UP Manila,

to my first family, EJ, Jovan, JB, Jowi, Yana, Cake, Mommy Marvee and the rest of the UP Circle of Research Enthusiasts (Kuya Arlen and company),

to my first classmates,

to my first roommate, Lizzie,

to my first study group, the OSG (Jau, Ardee, Ate Leng, John, Carole, Ayah and Gucci), and to our Math 17 teacher,

to my first uno, under Dr. Evasco,

to my org, the UP Journalism Club, co-apps, FR-batchmates, co-EB, Intepeepz, katambayans, the alumni and JC friends,

to my other org, UP Christian Brotherhood, that managed to still keep me on the list despite delinquencies and all,

to my Journ blockmates (Go K5!) and batchmates,

to Ate Racqs, Ma'am Chua, Sir Edson, Sir Vlad, Sir Guio, Sir Hudson,

to Zorro, Ate and Kuya Photocopy, Maskom Siomai-yan and Cantunan,

to all my other classmates, teachers and friends,

to the library staff members, the Gloria's people,

to the Skywalk, Sunken Garden, Mang Larry's Isawan, Isawan @ Law Center parking lot, Rodic's and Shopping Center,

to the Econ Lib,

to the Acad Oval,

to Oble,

to Kule,

to TnP,

to the UP Form 5, long prerog and manual enlistment lines, payment lines,

to the UP Fighting Maroons, Pep Squad, Judo Team and Street Dance Club,

to the Sablay,

to the sunflowers,

thanks you a million folds.

My life could have not been complete without you.

Life really sucks when you're unappreciated. But then again, somewhere in this universe, somebody smiles because of you.

To the graduates of 2010, let's open our eyes, the door of the real world has opened for us. Let's celebrate. Let's rejoice. Let's live our lives to the fullest!

And whatever your heart is yearning for, may you find it in the other side of that door.

Congratulations!

I'm fine. :-)

2010-04-07T21:56:00.004+08:00

Believe me. I am fine.

Prickly sunshine heat

2010-04-05T08:12:00.000+08:00

All my life, I'm under the microscopic scrutiny of a curse called limelight. All my life, I wish for mediocrity. But then again, when it came true, I realized that I feel so much better being at the top. Especially when I know that some persons who have taken my place do not deserve it. It's just that they were so lucky they got it. Call me bitter and I don't mind. It's true. But maybe, nobody can blame me. And perhaps, nobody would really understand me.

You see, people judge people at face value. They commend achievements and pity failures. They group people into two, the achievers and the failures. No in-betweens. And it is so much easier to thank people who congratulate you than explain what had happened and why you lost. Their skepticism on how you got your medal is easier to take than their outright conclusion why you fail--either you're not really good or you're fucked up.

No matter how many times I say that I don't see the point in proving others what I can do because I know myself better than anybody else, it will always be painful to know that somebody you love has expected so much from you and yet you failed them.

Then you think, now, where's happiness?

Fresh from being a freshie.. NOOOOT!

2010-04-02T00:44:00.000+08:00

Matapos kong makita sa ilalim ng CRS website na may bukod na namang site para sa enlistment ng mga Freshies, naalala ko yung freshie days ko.

1. Nag-enlist ako sa CW10 kasi pinaniwala ako ng mga naging English teachers ko na magaling akong sumulat. I ended up barely passing the subject. I almost gave up on writing that time.

2. Akala ko ang Judo ay parang boxing so nagtanong ako sa teacher namin (si Miss Reylin) kung kailangan ng handwraps. Tanga ako okay. Pero may silver medal ako after the end of the sem. ;-)

3. Akala ko pag Math 1, Elementary Math. Anong alam ko sa Non-Euclidean Geometry? Wala. Haha. Buti na lang maganda yung prof ko.

4. Wala akong org, pero laman ako ng Tambayan Complex ng Maskom. Yun yung PhilStar Room 2(tama ba?) ngayon. Tumatambay ako sa UP CORE, beside JC. Alam n'yo bang nakapakinig na ako ng FI bago pa ako mag-apply? Though di ko na matandaan yung mga itinanong sa app nila.

5. Clique-ish ang block namin. Ang magkakasama lang parati si Jovan, Yana, Ej at ako, minsan si Cake din. Tapos yung iba, di namin nakakasama. Tapos later on, nagkaroon kami ng bagong circle of friends, may Eng'g na sa amin (JB and Jowi) at Physics (Jerome).

6. Natatandaan ko pa hanggang ngayon ang kauna-unahang dinner ko sa UP. Sinigang na baka ng Rodic's. 5pm pa lang nag-dinner na ako kasi walang bilihan sa may boarding house ko. I miss Hardin ng Rosas.

7. First crush ko sa UP ang seatmate-turned-friend (na nawala after a while). Ang ganda kasi ng mata niya. AS IN. Nagkaroon pa ng time na nailang siyang makibeso sa akin. Ewan ko ba dun. After naman nun, okay na ulit kami. Pero di ko na siya nakikita ngayon masyado.

8. Nung nakatira ako sa KNL, almusal ko usually ay oatmeal or noodles. Lunch sa Katag at dinner with Jovan, Jerome and EJ (pwedeng isa lang sa kanila, pwede ring may ibang kasama) anywhere in Philcoa, Teacher's Village or UP.

9. Nung first time kong pumasok sa school ng nakapambahay (shorts+tshirt), feeling ko nun, achievement yun. Yuck. Haha!

10. May mahaba akong break between 8:30-2:30 ng Mondays at Thursdays. Usuallu nag-aantay lang ako sa Katag from 10-1. Unang dadating si EJ, pag paalis na siya, papalit sina Jovan. At sasabayan ko na sila sa NatSci2 nila.

11. Nung unang beses ko namang pumasok nang naka-skirt (Pink na collared shirt, brown na flowy skirt, doll shoes), nagulat ang mga friends ko. Natatandaan ko, di ako nakilala ni Jowi. Nalurkey si EJ at JB. Pag-alis ko ng Katag, sabi raw ni Jowi, "Ang pretty ni Shai!" Lolz!

12. Pumapasok ako minsan nang naka-stilettos. At wala pang jeep na dumadaan sa NIP nun. So nilalakad ko yun. Kamusta naman.

13. I spend some evenings inside Mini Stop along Maginhawa St. with Jerome. Dapat aral yun e, pero nauuwi sa kwentuhan. Sinusundo niya ako or nagkikita kami after ng Pep Squad training niya (read: 10:30pm-11pm).

14. Napansin ko lang, ang madalas kong pagpupuyat ay kasama si Jerome. Kung saan-saan. Or si Jovan, sa computer shop.

15. Napag-lockan ako ng boarding house ko one night while cramming for a report. Sakto namang naka-confine sa Heart Center yung tatay ko. Nagpasundo ako sa kapatid ko sa gate ng hospital at dun ako natulog--putlang-putla at naninigas sa ginaw.

16. I took 7am classes because I thought I was a morning person. Pag tumatanda sa University, nagiging nocturnal na. Haha.

Namimiss ko yung super jeans + shirt + sneakers days ko.

Gagraduate na pala ako.

Gagraduate ako. Dapat Sana. Please.

*Gagraduate ako sa April 25, 2010* (Repeat after me.)

TO DO for APRIL and MAY

2010-03-31T22:08:00.000+08:00

Finally, I found the time to write another blog entry.

1. Submit THESIS
2. Clean our house
3. Buy a new dining set/living room set for our new home (well, using my bro's money)
4. Meet Kim C and/or the rest of the Inte peeps for some get together/bonding experiencee/file transfer
5. Check grades, and make sure that nothing's missing.
6. GRADUATE ON 25 APRIL 2010. *I will graduate on April 25, 2010* (Repeat after me) (Therefore, I have to get my clearance, pay my dues and buy that friggin SABLAY)
7. Go to Ilocos Sur for vacation
8. Job-hunt. And get hired!
9. Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!
10. Take driving lessons, get a driver's license, buy a car.

*Fingers and toes crossed*

Open letter to the one who refuse to read

2010-02-15T21:44:00.001+08:00

I'm tired. I'm tired of constantly begging for your attention. I'm tired of catching and sneaking in to fit in to your schedule. I'm tired of trying so hard to be part of your life.

I'm sorry. I guess I haven't understood your life that well. I'm sorry. I guess I'm beginning to be more of a burden than of help. I'm sorry, if it seems like it's always me, always for me.

I hope you also understand that I never intended for any of this to happen, neither did I wanted this feeling to stay. I hope you know how much effort I try to brush off how I feel about you-- I can't. I just can't. I hope you know how painful it is everyday to be dreaming of us being together no matter if reality says it can NEVER happen.

I can't blame you. You are under difficult circumstances. I would really like to take you away from it, but even when I try, I always find myself helpless. It seems like you yourself do not want to get away from it. I can't even ask for you to return the love I have for you, no matter how much I would like to be repaid, I let it go, it's all good, I understand.

I just can't stop loving you. I hope you understand.

And the countdown has already started

2010-02-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

Seventy-one days before graduation day and my future seems to hiding beneath thick clouds, high moutains and piles of paperworks.

Counting the remaining days of college life does not make me feel any better. I have lost the drive to study, I have lost the enthusiasm on my thesis (after countless failed attempts to schedule interviews and gather necessary documents). I have lost the desire to wake up early and attend classes. I have lost myself.

I can't remember exactly if this was how I felt during the last few months of my highschool or elementary. But I know for sure that this is not normal. A friend told me maybe it's because I have this tendency to work really hard towards the end. But in as much as I know that the end is fast approaching, I haven't found myseld working.

I need to focus.

It's not that I wanted to leave college (heaven knows how much I love it). It's just that, I want to move up.

Too much formality*

2010-01-26T22:00:00.000+08:00

Instead of exhausting all of my raves in a kilometric piece, let me just enumerate the things I hate about or related to formality.

1. LETTERHEADS
Especially when you're the head of the company and the letterhead is being used against you. I haven't been a head of any company but I have experienced a similar situation. How would you feel?

2. REQUEST LETTERS
I don't exactly hate request letters because most of the time, they serve as proof especially in they-don't-care-how-long-you-wait-or-how-many-times-you-call-until-you-get-tired-and-they-forget-about-yourr-request offices. But sometimes, however, these offices require you to change the addressees because they cannot process the requests since if it is not addressed to the proper office, they cannot ask the office to process the request since, according to the letter, the request is not for them. Other times, they require additional and higher authorities to sign the request letters because it is their STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE, regardless if you have been going back and forth and calling to follow up for two months. I bet they haven't learned the word CONSIDERATION yet.

3. STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE (SOP)
In matters which involve external relations, a company/organization/institution's SOP should publicize or at least inform people beforehand and not until when you have been lining up for three days, going up and down seventeen floors and going back and forth the office for centuries (And then the receiving secretary will tell you, "Sorry, you lack documents, sorry but we need a stamp on this area and not this area." Mind you, when the first time you went there, no sign, handbook, handout, public notice whatsoever says those things.).

And every office in that particular company/organization/institution should know that, otherwise, when the SOP in those offices contradict with each other, all they have for you is a 5-letter word: S-O-R-R-Y.

Talk about everything wasted.

4. DRESS CODE
I don't know if it is just my problem but in as much as I try to adhere to particular dress code in every occassion, either I find other people lost or I find myself wondering if I haven't really researched too well what is appropriate for the event. Who really knows the difference among smart casual, business casual, business and corporate attire? What should be worn if the dress code is semi-formal? How about cocktail attire?

I hate seeing people inappropriately dressed.. I especially hate it when I'm the one who is not appropriately dressed.

***

At the end of the day, when people learned to communicate with each other, they do it in a much more complex and complicated way that more often than not, it creates more misunderstandings than discernment.

The year that was.

2009-12-31T17:21:00.000+08:00

I remember, I slept during New Year's Eve this year. January 1st was a Thursday (or a Sunday?), we had to head to church by 4 a m.

I remember, it was either January or February when a good old friend sneaked in to our house at midnight to learn how to cook Adobo and to get some bottles of liquor. He is my first love. And we're friggin good friends--really good friends.

I remember, I and my favorite legwork partner, Juday, pulled off a local investigative story about rice subsidy by March. It was a real achievement.

I remember, summer was rubbing-shoulders-with-journalism-moguls-and-gods-and-demigods season. I met two really great friends and workmates.

I remember, it was June when I met a good friend at a fast food chain near our house to be a crying shoulder. It was a Saturday night. I enjoyed listening to his stories and eating my black forest sundae, even on a full stomach.

I remember a friend left for Europe for her studies by August. It was my birthmonth. I felt nothing but bitterness. But I think everything is fine with us right now.

I remember, my brother went back to the Philippines on my birthday. It was a surprise-- and it was the best gift I received this year.

I remember, that same month, Bro. Erano Manalo died. I was having a problem on my faith that time. I'm still searching for the answers to my question but that incident made me feel something I did not expect.

I remember, I got called back to my dream office for a research work I think mid-September. It brought back summer memories, sans my internmates. (I miss them! and the paper cranes!)

I remember, I got stranded by typhoon Ondoy for 8 hours. I slept at my grandma's house wearing her panties, my cousin's shirt and my aunt's shorts. It was weird. Water inside our house was chest-deep. A friend rode a boat to borrow money for her baby. We had a week off, but I had to clean the house the entire week. It was a humbing experience.

I remember, I took early exams, submitted my requirements one week ahead to have an early vacation. My family went to Singapore for a week of lavish spending, everyday tours and limitless food (*check parallelism)!

I remember, I slacked off the entire first two months of the second semester. I was in my weakest point I lost self-esteem, was on the edge. But I know, I'm getting through.

This may not be my best year norr my happiest year. But I know, I learned a lot.

Hello 2010! Hello real adulthood!

On Nicanor Perlas: Rights and what's right

2009-12-21T21:40:00.000+08:00

Article VII Section 2 of the 1987 Constitution states the qualification needed by any presidential aspirant of the country.

"No person may be elected President unless he is a natural-born citizen of the Philippines, a registered voter, able to read and write, at least forty years of age on the day of the election, and a resident of the Philippines for at least ten years immediately preceding such election."

I concede, however, that the constitutional provision does not guarantee a capable and responsible president-- a task laid upon the hands of the voters.

The aspirants have submitted their certificates of candidacy. COMELEC has decided to purge those which they believe are not qualified, just like Nicanor Perlas.

Many could argue that Perlas has some psychological problems, ambitiously trying to run against veteran politicians, most of them members of giant political parties and clans. Yes, people could judge him outright, he must be out of his mind. No enough money. No enough support.

On the other hand, I could say that maybe we should give him a chance. Not because he would surely lose the presidential elections we should stop him from running. He seems to be neither a threat to the mock poll toppers nor a nuisance candidate-- I believe Perlas's mind is in perfect shape.

The Constitution says he is eligible to run. The COMELEC says otherwise. According to them, he cannot mount a decent national campaign. Meaning, it is impossible for Perlas to win the elections. However, even if it is a reality, that fact should not deprive him of his right to run.

The democracy of the Philippines is being hindered by prejudice of these COMELEC officials-- which I believe is more insane than those which they declared as nuisance candidates.

After all, are they a bunch of shrinks?

COMECEC refused to have faith in this environmental activist (as how he is described in the news) and his intent for running. But this COMELEC believed in the traditional politicians. We have been run by these politicians since time immemorial. Seriously, have they done anything really good for the country?

I have faith in Perlas, and any other "nuisance candidate" who have high hopes and higher dreams for the country. I have more faith in them than those who said they could offer their "galing, talino, sipag at tiyaga" for the Filipinos. I have more faith in them than those who perceive themselves as saints in governance.

Disclaimer: I am not saying that I would vote for Perlas. I am not also saying that I won't.

Step back. Look forward.

2009-12-15T00:42:00.000+08:00

Letting go does not necessarily mean forgetting what happened, it means you acknowledge it happened and that things are better kept that way.

Sometimes, in order for us to move ahead, we need to step back and just take a look at everything.

It took a quite a long time for me and quite a hard time for my friends to remind me about these things. Nevertheless, at least, now, I can smile, take that step and move ahead. :-)

2009-12-04T23:16:00.000+08:00

Buray.

(Yep, that's her name. Well, she's Irene but people in Cavite are accustomed to calling her Buray.)

Savage.

These two photos were taken at a river near our relatives' place at Naic, Cavite. I took these photos using my Cybershot camera-- my first camera.

Standing out

2009-11-30T00:02:00.000+08:00

Sticking out or standing out? A photo of a lone tall leaf from a palay field at San Miguel, Bulacan.

***

I don't have a photoblog to boast of since I haven't thought of myself as a good photographer. I have some good shots though. Few of them and some are even accidental.

I was just inspired by a new friend (my buddy). :-)

Here's to a good start. :-)

If life is as easy as click and drag

2009-11-23T03:21:00.000+08:00

then I would not have a problem with my future. I could always click REFRESH so i could undo the things I did. I can try out new things without risking so much. Best of all, I could avoid failure.

But somehow, life should not be like that. Life is an adventure--full of risks, full of fun!

OR NOT.

Bear with my pre-graduation jitters. I still worry about what lies ahead. Tarot cards and Daily Horoscope won't help. Your heartwarming encouragement can't, too. I'm afraid to fail the people I have been failing all my life. I just need this one shot at luck. Just this once. Please...? C'mon good heavens! Haaaaaavvvvvvve merrrrrcccccyyy!

I really should pass LAE or qualify at any scholarship I applied for. Only then I could shut up.

I want my sunflowers now.

2009-11-11T22:26:00.000+08:00

Five months from now, the University Avenue shall be filled with sunflowers intended to celebrate the graduation of Batch 2010. With hope, I WOULD BE A MEMBER OF THAT BATCH.

The question is, where do I go from there?

I wish I was one of those fortunate few who do not have to worry about what lies ahead since their future has been laid before them long ago. I try my best to lay down what my future should be. But who knows what;s really in store for me?

I wish I did better before, or I was kinder, or I was more cautious with my actions. I wish I was really thinking before deciding on anything before.

But I could never go back.

Never. And that's the saddest part of it.

My Very Own Elizabethtown

2009-10-26T21:49:00.000+08:00

There are only three movies I imagined to be my life(love) story: 1. My Sassy Girl, but I don't want my (future) boyfriend to die before I fall in love again, 2. My Bestfriend's Wedding, though I never really want this to happen to me, I just have this feeling that maybe that's my story, and 3. Elizabethtown.

It's not the best love story neither it is a really good movie, but I love it. I love the characters and the turn of events, however slow-paced it may be.

And now, I feel like I'm Drew who kept on breaking up with his Claire even if in reality, they're not together. I've been a substitute person for quite a while and I guess I haven't collected my wits to realize that I am in fact, just a substitute person.

After all, all I want is a happy ending.

10 things I learned from the Ondoy Weekend

2009-09-29T18:35:00.000+08:00

1. Makinig/manood ng totoong balita at weather forecast bago umalis ng bahay, lalo na pag makulimlim. Kung minsan o madalas may fault ang PAGASA, well, for now, sa Pilipinas, kailangan nating manalig sa kanila. May tama rin naman silang sinabi. I was informed na Signal Number 2 ang Metro Manila by a friend. Di ako nanood ng news JUST THAT DAY. And I was doomed.

2. Huwag pairalin ang hiya, pride at takot mabasa, lalo na pag, heler, umuulan. I was worrying that my shoes will get soaked so, 3 jeepney stops yung pinalampas ko only to find my shoes dripping wet sa Berkeley Squar. The "mall" I got into there has a sign on its door: PLEASE OBSERVE PROPER ATTIRE (Shai's answer: Kasalanan kong bumabagyo at nalubog ako sa baha?!). Stranded, hungry at palakad-lakad ako sa Commonwealth from 10:40am -2:00 pm. Di ako makapara ng private vehicles at truck na masasakyan dahil nahihiya ako. Nag-aantay ako ng magkukusa. Di rin ako sumasakay ng pa-Philcoa lang dahil nag-aantay ako ng magdadala sa akin sa mas malayo kaysa sa Philcoa. Pagsakay ko ng jeep, dulo na lang ng kuyukot ko nakaupo, lahat ng pasahero, basa. At sa Philcoa lang kami naibaba. Basang-basa ako na parang walang payong at nangangatog sa lamig.

3. Magdala lagi ng extra cash, di na uso ang kuripot lalo na pag kumakalam na ang sikmura mo at kailangan mo pang makauwi. Di maiiwasan na may magsamantala kahit buong bayan nagdurusa na, P20 yung binayaran ko sa 5min-tricycle ride na 4 ang nakasakay nung Linggo. Walang space sa Jollibee at McDo Philcoa kaya nag-Greenwich ako. Basa at masisira na ang sapatos ko kaya bumili ako ng tsinelas sa halip na mag-paa. Kung wala akong pera, di ko magagawa yun. Pano na lang ako makakauwi ng Bulacan nung bagyo kung saktong P250 lang ang dala ko? Kailangang magpalipat-lipat ng sasakyan at maglakad nang malalayo bago makauwi pag ang bahay mo, nasa gitna ng Bulacan at nasa pusod ka rin ng Quezon City pag inabutan ng bagyo. Magc-check in na ako sa hotel nung Sabado pero short ako so talagang kailangan kong umuwi. Di ako nakabili ng hapunan dahil nagtitipid ako kahit may pera naman talaga ako nung araw na 'yon. 1 am na ako nakarating sa bahay ng lolo ko, gutom at giniginaw. Buti na lang pinaghanda nila ako ng pagkain at damit.

4. Panatilihin ang constant communication sa magulang, kapatid, kamag-anak at mga kaibigan lalo na pag ganitong malawak ang sakop ng calamity. Mga darlings, di ninyo at di ko rin kayang sukatin ang pag-aalala ng mga magulang lalo na pag di nila kapiling ang mga anak nila. Kahit isang minuto lang, nakakatakot yun para sa magulang lalo't alam nilang may nagbabadyang panganib.

5. Pag alam na pataas na ang tubig o nagpakawala na ng tubig ang dam, magtaas ng gamit, mag-plastic ng mga alam na madaling mabasa, maglaan ng mga emergency bag na may lamang damit, at pinakamahahalagang bagay sa buhay (e.g. cellphones at chargers, birth certificates, etc., kahit isang delata, sabon, pera at anu pa mang prayoridad nyong bagay tulad ng photo album, flash drives, etc.). Lutuin ang mga madaling mapanis na laman ng refrigerator: Adobo, Prito, Daing. Ganyan. Para hindi mabulok, lalo pag nawalan na ng kuryente. Iba na ang handa. May dalawang malalakas na bagyo pang parating.

6.Mag-stock ng tubig sa mga may takip na container o drums. Panlinis man lang ng katawan at gamit. Ibukod ang potable water. Kung kailan itinigil namin ang paglalagay ng tubig sa drum sa likod-bahay dahil maayos na ulit ang daloy ng tubig mula sa NAWASA, tsaka pa bumagyo at hanggang ngayon, mas malakas pa yung ihi ko kaysa patak ng tubig mula sa gripo namin. Ang hirap maglinis at mas lalong mahirap maligo.

7. Pagkatapos ng baha at inabot ang loob ng bahay, huwag muna gamitin ang mga electrical appliances at outlets, patingnan sa electrician at panatilihin munang naka-off ang fuse o circuit breaker. Mas mabuti na ang nag-iingat. Wala ka nang magagawa pag nangingisay ka na sa pagkakuryente.

8. Bago pa tuluyang humupa ang baha, pag halos gangga-paa na lang ang taas at naroon lang din naman sa loob ng bahay, umpisahan nang linisin at alisin ang putik/banlik (Note: HUWAG MANDIRI) dahil unti-unti namang bumaba ang tubig. Mas madaling linisin ang putik pag diluted sa tubig. Pag tumigas na o nangapal na, mas maraming tubig ang makokonsumo nun. Ganun yung ginawa namin kaya mas maaga kami nakatapos maglinis kaysa sa iba dito sa village.

9. Tumulong pag kaya, magpatulong at huwag na mahiya pag hindi na. Hindi masamang humingi ng tulong at lalong hindi masamang tumulong. Mas kaya pag sama-sama. ;-)

10. Mag-pray. Di ako maka-Diyos at sobrang relihiyoso. Pero nung nagpaiku-tikot yung bus na sinasakyan ko nung Sabado ng gabi from Fairview to SJDM to Muzon to Marilao, Bulacan, to Sta. Maria to Sapang Palay to Muzon ulit to Valenzuela to Tigbi (kung saan man yun) to Sta. Maria dahil sa mga closed roads dahil sa matinding baha, bumagsak na pader, putol na tulay, masikip na daan at kung anu-ano pa, wala na akong malapitan from 8:30pm to 1 am, wala na akong malapitan. Siya lang. Nung nakita ko yung dinelubyong public market sa Sta. Maria, Bulacan, malamang di pa okay ang mga kaibigan ko, nagbangka ako mula sa kanto ng village hanggang sa loob ng bahay, makabalita from friends, TV and other people sa delubyongdulot ni Ondoy, di ako talaga nagppray for quite a while, pero wala na. Sa Kanya na talaga dapat ipagpaubaya ang buhay.

We'll find our way: Ode to my beloved friends, of past, present and future

2009-09-23T00:03:00.000+08:00

At 20, I still haven't really figured out what should I do in my life. I have plans but I haven't decided on what to do. In a few months I should be waving goodbye to my University life, and hopefully, enter the world of the Unknown-- some real soil and some real air-- and so they call it Real World.

I hate to be attached with anybody since letting go seems harder each day. Watching them leave can tear me into pieces. Knowing that they're a thousand miles away feels like my stomach is about to eat my heart, or something to that effect.

I'd love to know that they're doing fine and that once in a while, they think about me, or at the very least, my memory passes by their thought. It's not a pat on my back, neither it is something that I am going to be proud of but I know, when that happens, I'm just going to smile and sigh.

Coming, passing by and leaving life is but a fact but somehow staying feels so much better than leaving a trail. In as much as I would like to keep close ties, constant communication and physical contact with everybody, my physical limitation and the law of impenetrability says that I cannot accommodate everybody all at the same time. Therefore, I need to tidy up some space for new comers and those who left that would like to return, hoping that one day, the space reserved will be taken upon.

I have high hopes for you, your dreams and your future, even higher than my pride and self-expectations.

You know who you are and I hope you would be able to read this.

If tomorrow the doors of the Real World opens for me, I hope to see you there. I know, we'll find our way.

The Alphabet of Plans in Life

2009-09-05T21:03:00.000+08:00

Target duration: within 1-10 years

Plan A:
-Take up LAE, pass it, take up LAW
-be a criminal lawyer (corporate law not an option, I have no business degree. crim law is a good start-off point if I want to be a human rights lawyer)
-earn money for my family--including my cousin, Beverly, first 3 years of work, my mom should be retiring from work
-buy a new car, a condo unit, if ever
-travel to my favorite places
-but I still would want to write. I want to be a journalist on the side.

Plan B:
-Take up LAE
-Not pursue Law, work for a media company instead (probably, GMA, Inquirer, Philstar of BusinessWorld)
-after 1-2 years, try a graduate degree at Nanyang Technological University at SG or at UP
-be an investigative journalist and a college instructor all at the same time
-earn a living for my family (including my cousin, Beverly), I would like my mom to enjoy early retirement, within 5 years as I get a full-time job
-buy a car, save money for the future

Plan C:
-Take up LAE, just for the heck of it
-Enroll at any flying school (Omni, Airlink or PATTS), part-time or with a scholarship
-work at a media company as I study
-finish aviation school, be a pilot, fly for commercial lines
-earn a living for my family (including my cousin, Beverly), I would like my mom to enjoy early retirement, within 5 years as I get a full-time job
-buy a car, a dream house

Plan D: (c'mon, I haven't run out of choices)
-Take up LAE
-apply for Shell International
-pass the Shell International recruitment process
-work at Shell
-earn a living for my family (including my cousin, Beverly), I would like my mom to enjoy early retirement, within 5 years as I get a full-time job
-try to find a part-time writing job for a paper or any media organization
-save for flying school, even for private pilot licensing course
-buy my own car

My pursuit of happyness

2009-08-27T05:00:00.000+08:00

Maybe Christopher Gardner was right, maybe happiness is something we can only pursue but we can never actually have.

I think I now understand why I have always been in love with cartoons, amusement parks, Peter Pan, McDonald's Happy Meal and kids. The kids' happy aura emanates from within. Anything that has to do with childhood reminds me to smile and be jovial about life.

But happiness coming from within me is nowhere to be found.

Maybe because I'm getting old that my contentment is not any more bound by getting free ice cream or lollipop from my mom while we are walking down the street. I am not any more delighted when a clown on a party tried to play his magic trick. For a while I am amused, for another, I worry about tomorrow's deadlines and dues, the clutter inside my bedroom, my finances and what will happen to my country in the future.

Now, is it possible to age without growing up and still staying sane?

Thoughts after the JRS Express package

2009-08-15T16:32:00.000+08:00

I always have this feeling of not being loved by anybody, that no one appreciates me and that no one would care if I'm gone. I tend to feel jealous over friends who value their other friends more than they value me. I'm always bitter, most of the time lonely, overly dramatic and self-consumed.

As if I needed that huge amount of attention, care and love.

Yet, I'll always be thankful for a loving family. I know I always have some place I could call home--right in the arms of my mom and pop. And of course, there's always my brother who never fail to make me feel I'm just a little girl, even at 20.

I'll always be grateful to know people who appreciate me. Others, even if I never realized I mattered to them. One said, "Thanks for coming into my life." My heart melted afterwards. The other said, she'd never leave me. Even if the whole world would. I could die right there and then.

I'd forever remember my friends--silver, gold and diamonds.

I remember very well, I was in third year high school when I said I don't want to join the field trip because it would entail a lot of cost and I was not sure if I would enjoy it. I sent a note to one of my barkada. He replied immediately. "I have 13 reasons for you." Then he enumerated the names of our friends. It was sheer love.

And that JRS Express package. I could imagine the despair, fatigue and misery of the guy who sent me it. He's been through rough waters lately. I tried really hard to hold back the tears last night. I know I should have called him but I might just cry.

After that package, I know, somebody loves me.

"How do you find the words to say goodbye to someone you love?" (Aquino, 2009)

2009-08-05T09:03:00.000+08:00

Maybe I'm not the one who feels the worst right now. But I'd like to think that in the same way those widowed by their loved ones would like to cope, I, too would like things to turn out to be just fine.

Maybe it's not too late to hold that decision back. But I don't know what else to do other than that.

I'd let you go. Even if my heart is begging me to stay. I think, I have to go.

I need this break, I guess.

I'm so dead tired. I'm sorry.

But I think, we still need to talk.

Beerkada and beerkwento and happiness

2009-07-21T04:39:00.000+08:00

I don't know if this looks like a justification for my alcoholic tendencies but I'd write it anyways.

I miss beer. The taste, the smell and the feel of it. It's like a softdrink that is not sweet.

More importantly, I miss the stories that I hear or share during beer sessions. Somehow, I feel like there is a special potion inside every bottle of beer that makes people tell their hearts out. I've got a good memory of my beer sessions with friends. No tears, lots of laughs. Sheer happiness.

And I should say, it's the key to eliminate awkwardness. It's proven. I've been dealing with a lot of strangers-- common friends usually. But when our glasses get filled and we try to take a sip, goodness, it's like everybody's known to everybody by a century. Love it.

I miss beer and the magic of friendship that comes with it.

Or maybe, it's just because of the alcohol.

I just want to say I love you

2009-07-18T03:15:00.000+08:00

After too much hesitation to post something, here I go again, typing.

I just want to hug someone right now, like it would reassure me everything will be just fine. Things had been going tremendously bad, worse at times, in my life. Dying would be a perfect escape, or maybe, why not a disease.

I just want to drown myself in a sea of books that I would love to read, not the ones that I am forced to love.

And I just want to say I love you, even if you would never care and even if it won't make your situation any better.

Jeopardy! Jeopardy! Jeopardy! Jeopardy!

2009-03-28T20:47:00.000+08:00

It’s quadruple jeopardy.

Somebody’s jeopardizing our dream of finally having a house of our own (again).
Something’s jeopardizing my supposedly blooming lovelife.
And my political career in my organization.
And I am jeopardizing my very own academic standing.

Or not.

Where did I go wrong?

I mean, I can be a complete bitch but I’m trying my best to be good.

I just hope the Divine Providence will give me a shot. Just this one chance. (or four, if you may).

One summer day

2009-03-11T17:52:00.000+08:00

I'd like to drive my own car

And put my windows down

And wear my aviator shades

And racer-back shirt

And turn the volume of the music player up

To the tune of The Fray's Unsaid

And the rest of the songs in its album

And drive the entire superhighway

Until the day is over

Or if I get tired.

Happy Birthday Kuya!

2009-03-08T13:28:00.000+08:00

Lemme share a story about me and my brother.

One Friday evening, after work niya, inaasar ko siya. Kinakantahan ko ng "Kaibigan lang pala, kaibigan lang pala..." kasi i-chinismis siya ng pinsan ko na kumakanta nun habang naliligo at naglalakad sa bahay. Wala namang ibang lyrics daw. Yun lang.

Tapos, nung gabi na yon, nagkukwentuhan kami bago matulog. Patay na ang ilaw. At finally, napaamin ko siya. Busted si Totoy Beebo! At isangh linggo makalipas siyang ma-busted, nung lang niya narealize na busted siya.

Di umiyak yung kapatid ko pero paulit-ulit yung kwento niya. Hanggang sa kung-anu-ano na napagkwentuhan namin. Hanggang sa pag-check namin ay 1 am na. E, around 9 pa kami umakyat para "matulog".

Nagdecide kaming lumabas at bumili ng pagkain sa 7-11. Kwentuhan pa rin.

Pag-uwi namin, nagising si mama, naabutan kaming kumakain. Sabi niya, matulog na kami kasi umaga na.

Akyat naman kami ngayong dalawa. humiga. Kwento ulit. Hanggang sa 4 am na pala.

Nun lang namin napag-isipang matulog kasi mapapagalitan kami ulit pag naabutan pa kaming gising.

***

Bukas, birthday na niya, at first time niyang mag-birthday nang wala dito sa amin. Nung isang linggo ko pa ito pinagpuputok ng buchi. Hindi lang ako makaiyak pag andito sina mama.

Miss ko na si Kuya ko.

***

Para sa pinakapogi at pinakamagaling na Kuya sa balat ng Universe,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

unnamed letters. the march 2, 2009 edition

2009-03-02T16:35:00.000+08:00

***

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

kung anuman yung nangyari kanina, sana hindi lumaki. ayokong mawala ka. babawi ako sa 'yo ng bongga.

tulad ng sabi ko, you're the last person na gusto kong ma-upset/magalit sa akin.

***

di ko alam kung kailangan ko ring mag-sorry sa 'yo. guilty ako in a way, but not in another. gusto sana kitang kausapin pero di ko alam kung paano.

and why the hell do i get paranoid at what you're thinking of me?

basta. alam kong may mga kailangan tayong linawin.

***

disappointed ka ba? or upset sa akin?

utang na loob. i love reading other people's behavior. pero minsan, nakakaloka rin kasi.

parang ikaw.

***

salamat ha. wala ka naman talagang ginawa pero grabe, feeling ko, isang malaking tinik yung natanggal sa akin kanina.

ituloy natin yung friday. this time, wala nang pipigil.

***

nasaan ka na? gusto ko sanang sabihing miss kita pero parang hindi naman. nalulungkot anlg ako na hindi ikaw ang ka-share ko ng mga ganitong pangyayari ng buhay ko. or not.

di na rin naman ako umasa, maski nung una.

***

ikaw! ikaw ang miss ko! kasi naman... haha! huwag mong kalimutan yung bilin ko. kundi, papuputiin kita nang todo.

***

I almost forgot how Sprite tastes like

2009-02-26T01:20:00.000+08:00

until I tried it at McDo Quezon Ave last Sunday.

From that moment on, it's the only thing that sticks to my mind for quite a while. Everything's come and go. Articles, reports, homeworks, readings, people's names, even my money. (Errrm.. What was I talking about?)

My brain refused to accept any more information.

I'm glad the University Student Council Elections had ended. So did our coverage. Just a few more post-election analysis articles and we're set for the upcoming issues ahead. Finals week, summer, internship... Bring it on, baby!

Final thoughts on the election:

Jovan Cerda's (my brother. I can't help but be a proud!!! sister!) feat over Gel Nolasco was a slap on his detractors and critics' faces. But that only means he's leaving his post on Tinig ng Plaridel. Anyhoo, we can't have the best of both worlds, as the cliche says.

This election is a real learning experience for me and a lot of people. (Do I hear CMC students say yes?) I'm sure to enjoy Ethics class next sem.

I suck at reporting for CHK. Maybe because I have no drive to report anything about a college with no opposition, no political parties, and no candidates for a number of electoral posts.

***

It's 1:30, I'm half-done with my Public Relations Class homework-- final project. I'm still hungry, despite Pancit Canton near the Main Lib. I have no love life. I have no money.

And I don't think I will have a good night sleep.

Life is a cliche.

2009-02-19T22:52:00.000+08:00

And I have no problem with that.

Cliches are usually, if not all, are true. They happen alot. That is probably why we hate them.

But I love my life cliches:

First love never dies.
When you start loving a person, you never stop loving THAT PERSON. Maybe someday you'll love him/her in another form or maybe less, but you never stop loving. (Taken from one Sharon Cuneta and Aga Muhlach movie)

Procrastination is the road to success.

Or so I say.

And it's funny I forgot what was I thinking a while ago. Mental block. Blog entry wasted. Dang.

I shouldn't be blogging right now.

2009-02-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

Because of acads. Acads. Acads. And more acads.

But I feel good.

Last night was stressful as it was enjoying. I went to emcee a debut with Juday at 8 Waves Waterpark. Our first try. At sa totoo lang, bilang masters ng multi-tasking, di lang kami emcee, kami rin ang technician, usherettes, coordinators with the family and performers, sound directors at program designers (tama ba?).

Mag-oopen na kami ng business. Event organizers na kami nina Juday, Kuya Edlin at Kuya Mint. Saktong magkaka-camera pa naman ako next month. E madali lang naman ang logistics.

Pag-uwi ko sa bahay, sabi ko sa nanay ko, ang patay ng crowd. Tatambling na lang kami ni Juday sana kasi ayaw nilang maki-cooperate. Sabi ni Mama, "Syempre, anong aasahan mo e bundok yun." (discriminating si mama. haha!)

At akala ko makakapagswimming kami. Akala ko makakatoma kami. Akala ko may wafung fafa kaming masi-scout.

Pero olats.

Sayang.

Sige na. Sige na, masarap ang food.

(will post pics soon)

At naalala ko, dapat ang bino-blog ko ay tungkol sa Hot Air Balloon Fiesta.

(Feb 12 photograph from philmug)

Pero hindi. Dahil hindi naman ako nakapunta. Di na kinaya ng katawan ko at kinailangang ipahinga buong Sabado. Pero next year. Ayun. Ilalagay ko na sa aking kalendaryo. Kebs lang sa thesis. Sasakay ako ng lobo.

At happy pa rin ako. Dahil may BAGO. Hulaan ninyo.

Believe.

2009-02-12T23:37:00.000+08:00

If you feel like this post is for you, believe.

If you feel you can, have faith.

Your mind is more powerful than you can ever think of.

Just believe.

Black Forest Cake*

2009-02-02T23:55:00.000+08:00

Mapait, matamis at nakalalasing
ang cherries, icing at chocolate na itim
at ang kwento nating puno ng panimdim,
kaya’t paglimot dito ang aking hiling.

Ang kagat ko sa cake kasunod ay hibik
na para bang pagdampi ng iyong bibig
sa tuwing ikaw sa akin ay hahalik--
nakalalasing, matamis at mapait.

Pag natutunaw na ang cake sa ‘king dila
luha ko ay ulan na ayaw tumila
sapagkat ang tamis nawawalang kusa
kapalit ay pait ng ‘yong pag-ulila.

Sa bawat sandali’y aking ninanamnam
ang black forest cake ng iyong pagmamahal,
wala na ang tamis na inasam-asam
at lasing na sa pait ng pakiramdam.

Subalit ika’y sadyang nananatili;
mga alaala mo’y nar’yan palagi
sa black forest cake na ikaw ang pumili,
may tamis, may pait na di napapawi.

*a Malikhaing Pagsulat sa Filipino exercise (MPs110)

POSTS LONG OVERDUE

2009-01-28T23:17:00.000+08:00

012409
Not having internet connection at home for two days is not my worst nightmare but still it sucks big time.
it means no blog. no plurk, karma down, down, down. no multiply. no friendster (but it does not make so much difference). no YM. no chikka. no google. no life?
and I wasn’t even like this five years ago. I was satisfied with occasional internet surfing especially for research purposes. (when I say occasional, I mean, the most is twice a month. J)
this shall continue for twelve more days. it’s just funny I don’t know how to get through.

012709

my turtle collection just got bigger yesterday by four, thanks to Dianne.
and I have received the most heartfelt present prepared for me so far, also thanks to Dianne.
maybe we failed as a couple for clearly defining the “scope and delimitation” of our relationship.
she’s not my girlfriend. we are not exactly the best of friends. but we share a special kind of platonic friendship oozing with lotsa lotsa luuuuuuurve.
I don’t really mind how many times she’ll reject my “proposal” ‘cause hey, we’re still together!
and I actually feel really good that she’s jealous with my best friend.

012709
Kelvin is love.

And so is Juday.
and Cla.
and Dang.
and Balod.
and Marvin Lim.
and Ate Racqs.
and ronin.
and Jodee.
and the entire UPJC.
and J105.
and cello’s donuts and dips.

and ian. yes! ian palomares is love!
and the hot air balloon festival.

and dei.
and muh big brother.
and ate ching.
and jayloe.
and Asyong.
and wowie.
and my mom.
and my pop.
and of course my new turtles.

My calendar stopped at Jan 14

2009-01-17T09:09:00.000+08:00

My proud PMAer friend, Nognog sent me a desk calendar for a holiday present.

I put over my FM radio so I can easily flip the pages everyday.

I know I'm not in proper composure lately. I'm way too sluggish, careless and preoccupied.

Earlier today, while I was finding where did I put my towel, I noticed that my calendar stopped at Jan 14. At least it's just three day behind.

I'm starting anew this day onwards.

I'll transcribe my interviews, formulate more interview questions, go to another interviewee or so. Review for Economics and think of a good poem. :-)

Weekend Chronicler

2009-01-16T17:28:00.000+08:00

Monday:
I got to interview a barangay captain.

Tuesday:
I and Judai went to COMELEC head office just to find out that our requested documents have been mailed to our school.

Wednesday:
I was late for a PR interview with Cello's proprietors. I'm planning to take this project seriously. I mean, who knows, we might succeed in promoting Cello's.

Thursday:
First time to spend morning with Ben Carillo this year.
Got busted in my MPs class. My two poems were no good. I was happy though.

Friday:
I was so late in class. 'Tis the only class I am regularly late in.

Some additions:
My teeny-bopper-cyberstalking paid off: my crush viewed my Friendster account. Now it's been put to good use.
Gino Quillamor is already my friend in Friendster! Hoorah!

What's the english word for atribida?

2009-01-13T22:15:00.001+08:00

I'm trying my best to be the BIDA in two of my subjects this semester. I think I am succeeding in the first one and I still need to work some more for the other.

My investigative journalism project is orgasmic. I am enjoying the trips to the government agencies, the interviews, observation... the entire process. I am worried to start writing though.

From the two singkos I got before 2008 ended, I am working my ass off just to keep up with it. My fingers are crossed. I still want a helluva good grade in MPs.

Wish me luck!

I found Neverland

2009-01-12T08:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I saw three movies, City of Angels, Bedtime Stories and Finding Neverland. I'd like to take note of three related themes of those flicks.

For City of Angels, FREE WILL.

For Bedtime Stories, Marty, Skeeter's father said, "Your fun is only limited by your imagination."

And Finding Neverland says that we should never leave the child in all of us. Pretensions and fantasies are not there to remedy the problem, the sorrow we're feeling. But they are used to maintain that tiny glimmer of hope to make us stronger and keep monving on.

Sometimes, hopes are all we have.

Missing their smiles

2009-01-09T15:47:00.001+08:00

These are some of the kids of Gawad Kalinga Brookside.

It's been about a year since we left that place.

I am currently so engrossed and preoccupied of my FAVORITE SUBJECTS (notice the sarcasm) of all times. That's why no matter how many times we (Mikko and I) plan to go back there and visit our Sta. Clara people, we never had a chance to.

I'm wondering how are they doing there right now. Especially after the flood.

I miss our Ate Jen.

I miss El Cuerpo.

I miss the piso breads.

I so miss those smiles (see above picture).

I love and hate...

2009-01-05T10:12:00.000+08:00

Because I was too lazy to even log in for the past few days, I would post a long entry. Just for today-- to keep up with the days I have missed. (C'mon! Make some rules and break some!)

I love lists.. And here's another one:

1. I love my family but I hate the way they lecture me about stuff. Maybe because I almost always do the same "lecture" with my friends but certainly, I hate it.

2. I especially love my brother but I hate his cynicism. Sometimes he say words that really hurt me. Like last night, I was suggesting to watch Baler because I really want to see it. He said, "Nagpapaka-educational ka na naman." Sorry if I'm enjoying stuff only "geeks" would enjoy. Am I a geek? I think, not at all.

3. I love my friends and "family" in church but I hate it at the same time. I don't know. Maybe because I'm losing faith. Maybe because of my upbringing in the environment I am now in. Maybe because of the things I have witnessed since time immemorial. What if there's no God?

4. I love music.

5. I love films and movies.

6. I like cute pups but I really hate dogs-- well, not really. But I'm afraid to be bitten.

7. I hate bureaucracy. It's crazy!

8. I love Dianne.

9. I love Moja.

10. I love mountain tops, cliffs, jungles, rivers, falls and oceans. I love the trees, the animals, the clouds, the sun, the sky, the stars and the moon.

11. I hate the sticky dust on my skin.

12. I love TV but I hate the Filipino mainstream TV programming.

13. I love photography.

14. I love my friends.

15. I love UP.

16. I hate politicians.

17. I hate PINK and BABY BLUE on the streets.

18. I hate emoteros.

19. I hate typhoons.

20. I hate flood!

21. I love summer and sunburn but I hate the hot temperature.

22. I love travelling to places but I hate having no money to go anywhere I would like to go.

23. I love school but I hate homeworks. Haha!

24. I love and hate money.

25. I love and hate me.

Of airplanes, Neverland and Shainess' dreams

2009-01-01T22:04:00.000+08:00

Happy new year!

I was too tired and much too sleepy yesterday to post an entry.

Sorry.

I posted an entry on my other site on my "plans, wishes and 'resolutions'" for this year and there were two things I keep remembering. The first one: my friends think I will really have a boyfriend this year and the other one is that my friend from Canada is inviting me to go and study there!

They say those who like flying over driving are more adventurous.

Well, I must be a real thrill-seeker! I've always wanted to fly since 6th grade!

I'm so sorry, Rizal.

2008-12-31T00:27:00.001+08:00

I still love you.

But I'm sorry darling. I wasn't able to date you on your birthday. I could have prepared a special gift for you.

I'm so sorry. I am still lacking 67 words.

I don't wish to rant about the day this WAS, yet, just so you know why am I like this on this post (which I clearly don't understand the flow of thought)

here's the link

2008-12-29T23:29:00.000+08:00

They say time flies faster when you're busy.

I wish I'm so idle I can actually tiptoe at the ticking of the clock since I have nothing to do.

I miss my lazy days. I KNOW I'm still lazy. You don't have to tell that to me over and ever again.

Tomorrow will be a very long day for me. All I'm waiting for is nightfall, when everything's about to end.

My Xmas vacation started early and ended so soon.

I'm ranting about this for the second time because I'm really burned out.

Anyway, a heap of thanks to Dianne.

Shai means stress

2008-12-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

Maybe a day or two in a place where there is no internet access, no mobile phone network signal, where all I can see is green fields, all I can smell is fresh haystack and all I can hear is the blowing wind will be fine...

Oh no!

I mean, GREAT.

Those lazy days are rare since I entered college!

All I want to do NOW is to lie in the grass and think of nothing and stare at the stars.

Apparently, I can't. There are much too many things to do and think about.

Now Shai, back to work.

First Meeting 101

2008-12-27T20:08:00.000+08:00

I was going gaga over this guy I have met yesterday until I realized that I sucked on that first meeting.

Here are some do's an dont's:

1. Do keep your calm.
2. Do smile. Always.
3. Stay natural.
4. But don't overdo that "naturality" (is there such a term?).
5. Watch your words and mannerisms, they can spoil a soon-to-be good relationship.
6. Talk when needed. Be friendly enough to answer anybody's question PROPERLY. Emphasis needed because I think I was misunderstood last night.
7. Sense of humor should never be left in your closet. It does magic! Promise!

19 Years of No Christmas

2008-12-25T08:14:00.000+08:00

I have never celebrated Christmas.

But I have attended Xmas parties, gave and received gifts, greeted and thanked those who greeted me Merry Xmas.

But I have never really celebrated Christmas.

I have made lanterns, Xmas cards, garlands, decorated Christmas trees, nativities, sang and danced to the tune of Jingle Bells, Twelve Days of Xmas and the likes.

Yet, I have never really celebrated Christmas.

I am already 19 years old and I have never celebrated Christmas.

I have joined in merry-making with the rest of the world but I have never celebrated Christmas.

Am I supposed to be sad?